It’s time to end my monogamous relationship, not the relationship itself, rather the concept of monogamy. It was an interesting experience while it lasted. Now I am finding that I am full of resentment and anger toward my lover. He has not done anything to prompt this response from me, not really. It is more that I find myself in situations where our monogamous limitations become problematic. At first, I was excited to find an individual whose libido could keep up with mine. Lately, he has not been able to keep up. I get it, it happens. I am not in a position to accept being minimally sexual sated. That’s not enough really for me to put an end to monogamy, but the reality is, I have become resentful of the fact that I am repeatedly placed in that position.
Resentment grows and take root in every discussion, disagreement or argument you have. Every action the other person takes is seen through resentfully coloured glasses. Resentment feeds off everything! Even at this moment, I am sitting here seething because a text has not been replied to. It’s a dumb thing to be angry about, but resentment just makes it that much more intense. I resent having rules to adhere to even though I had initially agreed to them. This is one of the reasons I like to do multiple check ins with my subs. It avoids resentment and allows the relationship to expand its parameters.
So my plan is that over the next few days, I will bring up my concerns and my plan to establish a poly or open relationship with my lover. Ultimately, should he decide to not accept, I am going to have to revisit whether or not I want to continue with this relationship. I am a Domme, I need attention and power. Even if our relationship is not based on such things. That leaves me with very few options. I fear if I let things continue as they are, I will lose my fucking mind, and that is not good. I will keep you posted on how this discussion goes.
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